I Will Surive!

The hardest thing about planning is that every time I start it seems like the universe is in direct opposition to the direction I am going. That may be why I have in the past been reluctant to write down plans. I really don’t think that first statement is true but it sure feels like it. When I write things down they become more real to me and therefore I can become disappointed if they don’t go as planned. But if there is one thing I know life never goes as planned. Still, I am striving to be adding content to my life and not letting the ups and downs of life direct me, so writing it down is the right thing to do for me.

Here is what I have learned this week:
1. Stand up for yourself just like you would for a friend.

2. Don’t let life control you- make a conscious plan to go on with your values.

3. Keep your perspective-Don’t be overwhelmed and rely on your support network.

Recently, I had a chance to follow through on an important promise to myself. I have always struggled with self esteem issues even though I had a wonderful childhood. I tend to avoid conflict as much as possible in order to make things work. This can be a good quality but also can grow into something harmful. I am loyal and stand up for my family and friends, now I have to do the same for someone I have neglected, myself.

At work there has been a very stressful environment because of the economy. I am not a perfect employee, but it became clear to many besides myself that some people in my department had me targeted and were hoping to get me laid off. In the past, I would just work harder and think everyone would notice my hard work. This time I took action for myself. I set up meetings with my boss, then their boss and eventually the owners. I had facts in support of my claims and I just didn’t stop until I clearly stated the situation and made people listen. The results have so far been positive, and not matter what I feel so much better about myself!

Of course the universe or unforeseen circumstances had to raise its ugly head. This week I found out that I have pneumonia and some other underlying conditions this week. My mother is struggling with her heart failure and the delicate balance it takes for her to stay stable. My grandmother fell down and had to use lifeline to get help. My husband is having a much harder time with his paralysis and health, his leg gives out without notice and he hits the ground. The most surprising development is a family member has been diagnosed with cancer this week.

We have each other and Jehovah and our sure hope for the future. I could be searching for a loved one in the rubble of an earthquake or facing many other tragedies that are worse than anything I have had to cope with. We will survive and thrive! We will not let life push us into merely surviving; we will trust in our hope and live.

Stop Wishing Start Planning

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan

Eleanor Roosevelt

Have you ever noticed that writing something down makes it seem to be more tangible and real? Why does it seem so hard to go from wishing to planning?

I don’t know why I need to be reminded of this lesson time and again, but I can say I rediscovered it again recently.

Energy is something precious to me. It seems like I never have enough to go around. When I woke up and realized I was cutting all the things I enjoy in life just to survive, I wondered what I was surviving for.

In order to have meaningful content in your life you have to have something meaningful to add as content, and that doesn’t mean just sitting back and wishing. By taking a few steps of reconnecting and nurturing friendships in the past two weeks I have felt an amazing sense of accomplishment. The energy spent to take these first steps was small in comparison to the reward.

While my life feels fuller and more interesting I am going to make sure and take another step forward, and yes, I am going to write it down.

• I am going to try one new thing every week that I haven’t done before.
• I am going to write something creative every day.
• I am going to not let setbacks keep me from trying again.

Thank you to everyone who has made comments and offered support. I hope to return the favor to you and others. We are all precious let’s treat ourselves like we are.

Michelle

Loneliness is a Hunger? Then I am going to make sure I eat!

Loneliness they say is a feeling just like hunger or thirst. It is a need that hasn’t been met for connection in your life. That is true, but how can a person feel the loneliest in a crowd?

In my experience it is my perception of the situation that shapes my feelings. Do I perceive others as having better connections, being more interesting or really am I so wrapped up in my feelings that I am not really living in the moment and enjoying the chance to connect?

I suspect that shaping my perception and learning to let go of the need to analyze and compare myself to others is the true root of the problem. In fact, if I say so myself, I think I am being selfish!

I say this with a side note that I have been dealing with chronic depression and firbromyalgia for over 25 years. Our family has had a series of crises that even one of (2nd degree burns, 4 heart attacks, paraplegia, hip disease, colon cancer and heart failure to name a few) would be a challenge to cope with. All of this, while raising a family with four children in very hard economic circumstances. I say this not to use as an excuse but a reason for the challenges in not becoming self centered and self absorbed.

Still, living in life’s past struggles and continuing to echo the pain is not the solution. I have not had the successes in my life that I have by sitting back and not fighting to move forward.

Sometimes, it seems we just let friendships happen. We meet someone in passing and feel a connection and shared interests and we drift into a friendship. I am going to do more.


Here are 5 ways that I am going to build friendships:

• I am going to reach out to friends and family that I have been connecting with again and catch up on their lives. I am going to make opportunities in my life to spend quality time speaking or visiting these friends.
  



• I am going to find at least 2 positive things in my life to share with others.
  



• I am going to look outside the box for friendships and seek friendships with those I might not have thought of before. They could be younger, older and maybe even seem like someone that I would normally be comfortable with. (insecurity maybe)
  



• I am going to relax and try not to take life so seriously and just be myself.
  



• I am going to fill my mind with positive thoughts by reading, listening and doing things that remind me of the hope for the future I do have.

What do you do to combat loneliness? Please feel free to share any comments.

Michelle

Will facebook give me a false sense of belonging?

I did it. I started a facebook account. Despite research that claims that facebook will make me more socially isolated, I decided to take the plunge.

When your 70 something dad has a facebook account, it seems kind of silly to resist.

I thought of facebook as a party site that you post embarrassing pictures of yourself doing things you would never want your family or future employers to see. Was I wrong!

Ok, there are the embarrassing photos that have been posted (Me in a wet suit ….noooooooo!) And I do need a better photo of myself for my profile, but overall I have been able to start to reconnect with people that I have shared wonderful times with and even connect with relatives I have never met.

It’s true that computers, cell phones and other devices have impacted our lives and in many ways negatively. But let’s not blame it all on that! I was lonely and isolated before; face book isn’t likely to make it worse!

The world we live in is geared to the impersonal. When was the last time you saw people get together just to spend some time together without an agenda. It has to be an event, or going someplace or doing something. Not that I don’t enjoy these activities, I do. What if you have limitations and like my DH can’t go out without great difficulty. Where do you fit in then? I miss the times shared with friends when we just talked, played games or made up outrageous stories to entertain ourselves. Some of those moments are my most treasured.

I think that facebook will help me reconnect and use my limited time and energy to be a part of special friends’ lives again. Just like anything, facebook could be misused, but it certainly has my vote for making me feel just a little bit more connected with the world.

Is My Loneliness Contagious? 7 ways I cope with loneliness

In a recent study Alone in the Crowd: The Structure and Spread of Loneliness in a Large Social Network, researchers suggest that loneliness is contagious.

Just what I need, another reason to feel guilty, a gnawing hunger for a deeper connection is now infecting my friends!

Lately, my circle of friends has shrunk. So as part of my journey to make my life more meaningful, I have been putting aside fear and reaching out to others.
After all, friends are one of the sweetest and most enjoyable parts of life.

Here are 7 ways I have been dealing with my loneliness.

1. I admit that I am lonely and that it doesn’t have to be permanent- I can change it.
   This is hard because I feel as if I am lacking some skill that everyone else has. (That is the loneliness talking.)
   


2. Give myself a break! Life has been throwing me a lot of lemons in the past few years and I am getting tired of lemonade. I give myself permission to take time to recover.
   Now the hard work starts.
   


3. Learn to be more accepting and content with myself. I have been working on adding meaning to my life and doing more things that I enjoy.
   


4. Be Healthy- I have fibromyalgia and a balanced schedule that provides adequate rest and good food as well as exercise is essential to me.(Sometimes, I am more successful at it then others)
   


5. Open up and let down my guard- don’t let past experience or perceptions stop me from reaching out to others and making connections. The previous steps were critical in making it possible for me to be successful.




6. Work on nurturing friendships that start to develop by being a good listener and friend. Be empathetic to their life struggles. The researchers noted, that loneliness caused people to be more aware of social threats and that the self protective behavior was self defeating.



7. I am looking for ways to help others. I am trying to reach out in different ways than ever before. Feeling needed is the best medicine for my loneliness.
   

I have been having success with applying these 7 ways to cope with loneliness in my life. I am beginning to feel more connections with others. Hopefully, I am on the road to recovery and I can share happiness with my friends instead.


Michelle

Are you living your dream?
Living the dream started as a joke between myself and a friend. It was one of those days that seemed like an eternal Monday. As we struggled through our workday, I asked her if she was living the life that she imagined herself as living when she was 20.

That brought slightly hysterical laughter from both of us. Our very young, 20 something coworkers, looked at us as if we were a little strange. The answer was obvious, it wasn’t even close. Neither of us felt that our lives were unsatisfying or unhappy we just missed that optimism and belief that we could do anything and the nerve to try it.

That laughter and sharing reframed my thinking and made me really look at what I was doing everyday. I was just meeting the challenges but not adding meaningful content to my life.

This blog is a chronicle of my journey to add joy and dreams to my everyday life, to not let fear stop me from enjoying the adventure of life. Join me and let's discover how we can add meaning every day.

Michelle